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Every article or video that’s appeared in this column is a tool for those who might want to change something, but who find their personal resources incapable of getting them there. We all need tools to enhance our innate capability to do things, and we often require a certain level of training and expertise to use them without hammering a thumb or cutting a finger. Here are a few of the many tools my clients and I use to get results and make changes, as well as quick links so you can learn how to use them effectively.
Understanding Personas: Knowledge, while valuable and serving productive purposes, impedes learning. We don’t learn when in the Knower/Judger persona. So understanding the foundations of your K/J persona and being able to set it aside and use your Learner/Researcher is a tool. Without this tool, you are only capable of what you’ve been capable of so far. New data has a hard time penetrating what you “know.”
Choosing Nice: When you know you have a choice to be right or be nice, picking nice is a tool that can repair damaged relations. But, just like using a saw, it takes some practice and skill development.
Drama Triangle: The Drama Triangle is another indispensable tool when working on teams. Understanding the persecutor/victim/rescuer roles and watching them at work (even if you’re playing one of the roles) can bring clarity to any team struggling to break the bonds of repeated patterns.
Ho’oponopono: This is an incredible tool I often use to neutralize my K/J when it begins to exert itself. Ho’oponopono helps us understand that we are all accountable for our relationships with everyone and everything. An outcome cannot be counterproductive unless that negative outcome is first manifested in the K/J.
Giving Up: Giving up expectations—the last gift from my mentor Jut Meininger—has been effective in reducing my levels of frustration. Expectations are always products of the K/J, so the frustration experienced when expectations don’t pan out is one of the more repairable pieces of the human condition.
Three Responses: Eckhart Tolle’s three responses (engage enthusiastically, enjoy passively, or accept) have been incredibly useful to me as I struggle to recover from K/J disappointments.
Taking It Easy: One of my effective tools is just recognizing that I am still a pilgrim on this path, susceptible to falling off the wagon and smacking my thumb with my tools (sometimes even forgetting I have the tool), and that is part of my journey. I have grown very thankful to the clients and readers who point out my K/J moments. It means my tools are being picked up and used.
