From Volume 10, Issue 1: What do you want? Money? That tops a lot of lists. Lottery win? More clients? Vacations? Love? Great sex? I’ve discovered that many of the things I think I want aren’t my true desires, and you may suspect the same for yourself. Discovering why you have a certain want can help you get to the bottom of what will truly satisfy you.
From Volume 10, Issue 1: To his credit, President Obama made a very valid point in his final speech from Chicago. We tend to search for our news from the sources that most align with our Knower/Judger prejudices. (He didn’t use that nomenclature, unfortunately.) Nice for us, but this tendency, and the increasing amount of information we are feeding ourselves to affirm our prejudices, is tearing our society apart. How can we overcome this? Read more.
From Volume 9, Issue 12:Stick-to-itiveness. I was raised on it. Commitment…always a good thing, right? Toughing it out has been a cornerstone of my existence, imprinted by a can-do dad and a cheerleader mom, both products of the “Greatest Generation.” So obviously, not quitting is right smack in the middle of my “comfort zone.” That should be a warning in itself. “Fish or cut bait,” the old saying goes. Well, I’m here to vote in favor of “cutting bait.” I’ve termed it “creative quitting.”
From Volume 9, Issue 12:Over the years, multiple psychologists have delineated the “stages of life.” Dr. Thomas Armstrong has 12. Mark Manson has four. Others claim there are five or eight. In all models, there is a phase in our lives when we separate from our parents, go out in the world, and acquire. We acquire skills, possessions, money, reputations, relationships, and more. In this stage (roughly 25–45 years of age, depending on which model you’re using), we are responsible for making ourselves into what we are going to be. And it’s full of frustration and expectation.
From Volume 9, Issue 11:Recently, many of my clients are having “trust” issues with employers, supervisors, direct reports, spouses, and family members. Many of us have also had “trust” issues with our presidential candidates. So what is it about trust that gets us so worked up? In the last years of his life, my mentor, Jut Meininger, was attempting to teach me that the foundation of all frustration is expectation. “If you manage your expectations,” he would say, “the level of frustration in your life would evaporate.”
What is trust if not an expectation on steroids?
From Volume 9, Issue 11:Some of us have been witness to some disappointing events this fall. The not-so-hapless Chicago Cubs won their first World Series in 108 years (disappointing to non-fans). A reality TV star with billions rushed headlong through the Clinton machine to win an election no one though he could just days before the polls closed (disappointing for many). And now I’m hearing nonacceptance. “The Cubs are not my world champions.” “Donald Trump is not my president.” But by condemning this year’s election process and its results (or the Cubs and their fans), I believe the protestors oppress not only the winners, but themselves as well.
From Volume 9, Issue 10:As Jerry Seinfeld has pointed out, according to the roster of common phobias, most people at a funeral would rather exchange places with the guest of honor than present a eulogy. A quick Google search suggests that public speaking is in the top three fears on over a dozen lists of “top fears” we have…and all scare us more than death itself! If you’re familiar with shaking knees and a trembling voice when giving a speech, or just refuse to speak publicly altogether, you’ll want to keep reading, because there is a way to get rid of this fear permanently.
From Volume 9, Issue 10:.Over my lifetime I have frequently identified myself as being “in a rut.” I do the same things day in and day out. I eat at the same places for lunch. I pal around with the same people. It can be a little boring, but comfortable. And therein lies the rub. It’s comfortable. But does that mean I should stay in the rut or not? Here’s why we like our ruts and how to tell if it’s time to leave them behind.
From Volume 9, Issue 9: My friend Mary Lore likes to say, “We are not our brains.” Her thesis is that, while allowing our brains to manage us works in many situations (letting our Knower/Judger persona respond to our environment, carry on our conversations, react to threats, etc.), we can be far more productive in other situations when we manage our brain. She would have us use the brain as a tool instead of having it use us as its tool. So I began to think about this as it pertains to pain, because we could all use less pain in our lives.
From Volume 9, Issue 9: Today. Right now. This moment. What you choose can and will affect the next moment. “I’ll get more chances,” I tell myself when I choose the donut even though I want to lose weight. “I don’t have to decide anything new right now.” But let’s take a closer look at that. Because aren’t we really preparing for the big show, our chance to respond in a new way, during the show itself?