From Volume 9, Issue 9: My friend Mary Lore likes to say, “We are not our brains.” Her thesis is that, while allowing our brains to manage us works in many situations (letting our Knower/Judger persona respond to our environment, carry on our conversations, react to threats, etc.), we can be far more productive in other situations when we manage our brain. She would have us use the brain as a tool instead of having it use us as its tool. So I began to think about this as it pertains to pain, because we could all use less pain in our lives.
From Volume 7, Issue 11:By any standard, the little St. Louis suburb of Ferguson is a pretty old town. Called Ferguson Station at its beginnings in 1854, it became the fourth-class city of Ferguson in 1894 with 1,000 residents. So we’re not talking about some 1950s-era suburb here. Ferguson was an enclave of well-to-do houses with owners who commuted into St. Louis on one of the eight trains a day that stopped there.
At the risk of appearing to simplify the struggles that the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson has been experiencing, I want to compare and contrast two themes
From Volume 6, Issue 10: Do people push your buttons? They do mine. I’ve certainly got some soft spots that people can get my goat with. Actually, different people rile up different goats because of patterns we’ve set up. While flaring back at the person who has my goat seems momentarily appropriate, I’ve learned that over the long term it’s usually not in my best interests. So, what to do? Here are some ideas.
From Volume 6, Issue 9:When you repeat a behavior that you want to stop, you’re addicted. We all have these. They’re the responses we give to which we utter the Homer Simpson “D’oh!” or “I wish I hadn’t said that!” But it’s too late. You said it! You always say it! You’re addicted! You say it or do it because it’s in your comfort zone. That part of you that feels warm and fuzzy when you stay within your “rules of life” gets a high from it. Here’s what you can do to finally break the pattern and adopt the behaviors that will get you where you want to be.
From Volume 6, Issue 4:Clutter. I have it in my office. I have it in my shop. I have it in my home (although mostly in my areas, not my wife’s). I can live with all that. What I have a problem with is the clutter in my mind. Constant self-talk, thoughts, judgments, predictions.
What does clutter in the mind feel like? To me, it feels like a traffic jam on Times Square, with thoughts and expectations and fears all trying to get through the intersection at the same time. Clearing the mind brings calm and order, a sense of peace, and the ability for me to get where I want to go.
From Volume 5, Issue 9:Since I deal in frustration, stress, and struggle, I’m frequently engaged by leaders to work my magic on their teams. The problem, these leaders often suggest, is that people have a hard time listening. They make the same mistakes repeatedly, or don’t communicate well with the team. They are the source of the boss’s frustration, stress, and struggle, and my job is to change them. But what’s the one thing all these people who cause so many issues have in common? Their leader!
From Volume 5, Issue 6:Wow! Yesterday, I participated in a branding strategic implementation meeting with a client and his new branding gurus, goBrandgo. They covered all the usual questions—How is your industry perceived?, How are you perceived?, etc.—and then they asked something that left my client dumbfounded and impressed the heck out of me.
From Volume 5, Issue 3“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope (1688-1744) It’s not the “err” thing I want to talk about. It’s the “forgive” thing. I understand people’s ire when something has been irretrievably taken from them. Theft comes to mind. Possessions. Virginity. Life. But the act of forgiveness is incredibly powerful. Let me show you what I mean.
From Volume 5, Issue 2:Every article or video that’s appeared in this column is a tool for those who might want to change something, but who find their personal resources incapable of getting them there. We all need tools to enhance our innate capability to do things, and we often require a certain level of training and expertise to use them without hammering a thumb or cutting a finger. Here are a few of the many tools my clients and I use to get results and make changes, as well as quick links so you can learn how to use them effectively.
From Volume 5, Issue 1:Remember the story of Dr. Hew Len at the psychiatric hospital in Hawaii? He used the Ho’oponopono affirmation each time he came into contact with an inmate: “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” The results were impressive. The concept is based on the idea that we are responsible for everything and everyone, creating “bad” and “good” people and situations out of our (flawed and incomplete) Knower/Judger concepts. But over the past eight years, I’ve coached many leaders, executives, and family guys who have had a hard time even thinking “I love you” while approaching an arrogant boss. So let’s modify this highly effective tactic to make it more palatable.