Tag Archives: Learner/Researcher

The blessing and curse of stress

From Volume 12, Issue 4:Stress. We all feel it. It’s a deadline that seems impossible. Perhaps it’s a goal that’s slipping out of reach. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s changing, or just “change” itself. Job is gone. Money’s short. I’m overweight. The kids.

Operationally, we understand stress as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Intimacy. It’s not just for Valentine’s Day anymore…

From Volume 12, Issue 2:Mention the word “intimacy” and a lot of pictures come to mind. They usually involve two people between the sheets (hereinafter referred to as BTS), getting to know everything about each other.

As this Valentine’s season comes and goes, I’d like to expand the concept to include everyday relationships.

Wanting

From Volume 11, Issue 11:At the beginning of just about every coaching engagement I’ve had over the last 15 or more years, I’ve asked, “What do you want?”. And it’s pretty universally a very difficult question to answer honestly.

Preach, Teach, or Reach?

From Volume 11, Issue 10:Times come when we need someone to understand what’s expected of them—in the moment, over a period of time, or over a lifetime. Recognizing that expectations are the foundation of frustration, how can we minimize that emotional kickback when we have to get the point across?

Comfort or adventure?

From Volume 11, Issue 9: Why do any of us do what we do? React the way we react? Answer the way we do?

Do you get what you deserve?

From Volume 11, Issue 8:Have you ever wondered, “What do I deserve?”

The nature of anger

From Volume 11, Issue 3:What makes you angry? Politics? Bad manners? Erratic driving? Poor service?

And why, when so triggered, do you express the emotion anger?

Psychologist Gail Brenner, whom I’ve been reading lately, has dived deeply into this emotion, and it ties in with the nomenclature I’ve been using to describe reactive behaviors in this newsletter. Anger exists in the Knower/Judger. It’s learned.

Love means never having to say you’re sorry

From Volume 11, Issue 3:Have you ever thought of the various uses of “I’m sorry”?

There are people who perpetually apologize for things that don’t warrant an apology—sometimes they’re just prefacing a simple sentence, like “I’m sorry, can we have a conversation about your time card for last week?”

Or they say “I’m sorry” every time they pass someone closely in a hallway. For these people, it’s a trained reaction. My experience has been that these folks learned this at an early age and frequently beat themselves up about not executing their lives to perfection.

A happy discontent

From Volume 11, Issue 2:We’ve been down this discussion road before. The older I get the clearer I get when distinguishing between satisfaction and happiness.

Perhaps it’s just my definitions that help me feel clearer about the distinction, and that helps me make decisions day-to-day, minute-to-minute on what’s important—a version of interactive triage.

For those who’ve followed this line of thought in the past, you will recognize that I perceive satisfaction as the degree to which I’ve accomplished some goal I set out to accomplish.

No cheese, please?

From Volume 10, Issue 11:How many times have you turned on a fake smile? Chances are, you’ve done it a lot, with colleagues, prospects, family, and friends—perhaps when told to “Say ‘cheese’.” Research on the sincerity of smiles (the spontaneous one vs. the one you try on when you’re offered broiled armadillo bites at a cocktail party) indicates there are good reasons to understand the value of a smile.