Knower/Judger – Page 13

Traveling the Unexpected Road

by KimMay 21, 2014May 22, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 5:“It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark… and we’re wearing sunglasses.” —Elwood

What happens next? Jake and Elwood—the Blues Brothers—are forced off their Chicago-bound highway by a huge barricade across the road and the word “DETOUR.”

Generally, we see detours as disruptions in our status quo—changes we didn’t bargain for or plan around. But even when a detour is unavoidable, we have a choice about how we handle it.

What Part of “No” Do We Not Understand?

by KimMay 21, 2014May 22, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 5:When I assembled a group to write The Positive Power of No: How That Little Word You Love to Hate Can Make or Break Your Business back in 2003, I had no idea it would be the foundation of most of the Clarity work I do today.

We had a credo when we were crafting the book: “‘No’ is the foundation of freedom, the cornerstone of clarity, and the icon of integrity.” So why are we so hesitant to pull out that powerful little word? And how you can use it to your advantage?

Life, the Universe, and Everything: The Significance of Our Insignificance

by KimApril 23, 2014April 23, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 4:I’ve always loved watching and listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson, even before he hosted Carl Sagan’s creation, Cosmos. Almost every time I listen to Dr. Tyson, he makes me think about what we “know” (in our Knower/Judger sort of way) to be “right,” and how potentially naïve that knowledge is.

We often define ourselves by the truths we subscribe to—I know, therefore I am. So, faced with the reality that the sum of what we actually know is vanishingly small, how do we make sense of our place in the bigger picture?

Owning Your Onion

by KimApril 23, 2014April 23, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 4:Peeling an onion—it’s a metaphor that is often used to describe an enlightened approach to problem solving. By methodically removing each layer of the onion, you can appreciate the complexities at each level before eventually reaching the core, where you can objectively define the problem. And trust me, getting to know your own personal onion can save you a lot of tears.

Oh, Bother

by KimMarch 19, 2014March 18, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 3:Winnie the Pooh could not express the frustrations in his life with true expletives, so when faced with an unmet expectation, he would simply utter, “Oh, bother.” I don’t know what your version of “Oh, bother” is. As I’ve said before, for almost my whole life, mine has been “Goddamn!” (Pooh could never have said that.) A look at how Pooh uses “Oh, bother” is giving me a new perspective on how I can begin to change a habit I really don’t need anymore.

Keeping Your New Year’s Resolution

by KimFebruary 19, 2014February 18, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 2: Raise your hand if you’re still keeping your New Year’s resolution! If you’re sheepishly wishing that you could honestly raise your hand, you’re in good company. I’ve found that changing a habit I’ve decided doesn’t serve me well seems easy on the surface, but by now I’ve figured out it’s damned tough. With the best intentions, we resolutely announce we’ve chosen to (stop smoking, exercise more, eat less, eat better, be nicer to our spouse or boss, name your poison), and January 1, we dive in. But staying on track gets progressively more difficult. Here’s why and what you can do about it.

Fear and Hope: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

by KimJanuary 15, 2014January 15, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 1:FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

HOPE: Heaping Optimism Predicting Euphoria

Let me guess—you’d rather feel hope than fear, right? I know I would. But when we take a closer look at these emotions, we find that they aren’t really that different. The Knower/Judger has amazing ways of taking us out of the present. Here’s a look at how both hope and fear put us in fantasyland rather than reality.

More Productive Conversations: The Power Is in Your Hands

by KimJanuary 15, 2014January 15, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 1:The concept that women just want to be listened to and not told how to fix something is legendary in the Mars/Venus counseling world. In my household, I spent years jumping in with at least three or four unwelcome solutions when my spouse came home from a frustrating day and dumped a verbal stream of consciousness. “What?” I’ve been heard to protest. “I’m just trying to help!” I now know that it’s quite easy to change these conversations, simply by changing the part of the mind I’m operating from when having them.

Make This Christmas Wonder-full

by KimDecember 18, 2013December 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 12:It’s the season for wonder. And that got me wondering. How many of my loyal readers, clients, and friends are challenged by the holidays and not completely looking forward to, or even dreading, some of the upcoming events? Spending a lot of time with people we aren’t usually with can be difficult, especially when we’re related to them. We tend to walk into these situations prepared for the old battles and oft-repeated arguments. There’s where the stress of the holidays comes from. And there’s where injecting a little wonder can change everything.

Learning from My Mistakes: A Surprising Lesson

by KimDecember 18, 2013December 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 12:If we learn from our mistakes, then I’m working on my third PhD. The last month has been a rush for me. I host this annual Christmas party, and my Knower/Judger usually gets me into some kind of project that just has to be completed before the first guest arrives. And they’re usually not small projects. This year, I did it again. The difference is, I finally learned something