From Volume 10, Issue 8:For the past 10 years or so, I’ve referred readers to a web page to get a brief description of the Knower/Judger (K/J) and Learner/Researcher (L/R) personas.
I thought I’d drop back a bit and give you my take on these “states of mind” that define the boundary between doing what we’ve always done (adhering to our DISC or Myers-Briggs or Kolbe profiles) and making a choice to do something else.
From Volume 10, Issue 6:Some positive thinking gurus disdain the concept of “wanting” things. They claim it only leaves a hole in one’s life that will never be filled. And Yoda said, “There is no try.”
I challenge both of those premises. First, nothing is ever accomplished or obtained if you don’t try to do so. So, following that logic, “do or do not” can’t even happen without someone first trying. Furthermore, I simply believe no aspiration is ever accomplished unless a significant amount of want is invested.
From Volume 10, Issue 5:My world has been filled lately by people, pets, and possessions evacuating from my space.
Poof! They’re gone. Friends, acquaintances, friend’s pets, a friendly o’possum that frequented my back yard in the evenings, one of my 10mm open-end wrenches, and my PowerPoint clicker. I wake up and my world is altered by the vacuum of something missing.
From Volume 10, Issue 4:In this monthly missive, you’ve read about two states we present to our world. One state—the Knower/Judger (K/J)—is purely learned, reactionary, and emotional. It pretty well defines how we present ourselves to the world. It is observable for many of us through various behavioral assessments, such as DISC and Myers/Briggs. They help us and those around us understand how we will act in various circumstances. Aggressive-Passive, Compliant-Rebellious, People- or Task-Oriented, etc. These assessments are wonderful for improving communications on teams.
From Volume 10, Issue 2:I’m never exactly sure what the term guilt trip means. Does it mean I am on a journey of negative feelings? Or that my guilt made me stumble?
Let’s look at how guilt originates. We all experience it. From the days when the nuns smacked the back of our hands in St. Margaret School, to the Jewish mother’s lament: “You nevah cawl your mutha any mowah.” Every culture has ways to bestow—or, more accurately, attach—guilt.
From Volume 10, Issue 2:In the movie, Bridge of Spies, lawyer James Donavan (played by Tom Hanks) is astonished when his client, Rudolf Abel, an accused Soviet spy (played by Mark Rylance) remains calm while facing the death penalty in the United States.
Abel repeats: “Would it help?” three times during the movie, all while facing incredible psychological pressure. In addition to the death penalty scene, Donavon asks: “Do you never worry?” when Abel admits that he’s not an American citizen, and might not be a Soviet citizen either. Again, the same response: “Would it help?” The third time it happens is when the prisoner exchange is about to occur and Donavan asks: “Are you not worried that your own people might shoot you?” Again, he responds: “Would it help?”
From Volume 10, Issue 1: What do you want? Money? That tops a lot of lists. Lottery win? More clients? Vacations? Love? Great sex? I’ve discovered that many of the things I think I want aren’t my true desires, and you may suspect the same for yourself. Discovering why you have a certain want can help you get to the bottom of what will truly satisfy you.
From Volume 9, Issue 11:Recently, many of my clients are having “trust” issues with employers, supervisors, direct reports, spouses, and family members. Many of us have also had “trust” issues with our presidential candidates. So what is it about trust that gets us so worked up? In the last years of his life, my mentor, Jut Meininger, was attempting to teach me that the foundation of all frustration is expectation. “If you manage your expectations,” he would say, “the level of frustration in your life would evaporate.”
What is trust if not an expectation on steroids?
From Volume 9, Issue 10:.Over my lifetime I have frequently identified myself as being “in a rut.” I do the same things day in and day out. I eat at the same places for lunch. I pal around with the same people. It can be a little boring, but comfortable. And therein lies the rub. It’s comfortable. But does that mean I should stay in the rut or not? Here’s why we like our ruts and how to tell if it’s time to leave them behind.
From Volume 9, Issue 9: My friend Mary Lore likes to say, “We are not our brains.” Her thesis is that, while allowing our brains to manage us works in many situations (letting our Knower/Judger persona respond to our environment, carry on our conversations, react to threats, etc.), we can be far more productive in other situations when we manage our brain. She would have us use the brain as a tool instead of having it use us as its tool. So I began to think about this as it pertains to pain, because we could all use less pain in our lives.
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