Tag Archives: Expectations

A Special Case of Sad

From Volume 7, Issue 10:In one week, a friend lost his 22-year-old sister, another lost her nephew who was to be in a wedding in two weeks, and another became a grandfather to a non-viable baby who would live no longer than a few hours after birth. Two more friends lost their dogs (one to old age and one to the front bumper of a speeding pick-up truck) and another had their family cat run away. All these friends read this e-zine.

Get Unstuck from Your Story

From Volume 7, Issue 8:We all have a story. It’s what we tell ourselves that gives us our identity, our place in the world. It summarizes who we are and what our capabilities and limitations are. We start writing this story when we’re very young, and it becomes an ingrained part of our self-talk. But when you peel away the layers, most of our stories involve at least as much fancy as fact—whether they’re about ourselves or the world around us.

When “OK” Is Only Skin-Deep

From Volume 7, Issue 8:The recent passing of Robin Williams has me thinking about how much of what we believe we know about each other relies on surfaces. Many illnesses, both mental and physical, can torment people without the slightest outward appearance. So when we learn about their suffering, we’re shocked. “But he looked so good,” we think. And that’s the problem—looking good is not the same as being OK.

Fear and Hope: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

From Volume 7, Issue 1:FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

HOPE: Heaping Optimism Predicting Euphoria

Let me guess—you’d rather feel hope than fear, right? I know I would. But when we take a closer look at these emotions, we find that they aren’t really that different. The Knower/Judger has amazing ways of taking us out of the present. Here’s a look at how both hope and fear put us in fantasyland rather than reality.

Make This Christmas Wonder-full

From Volume 6, Issue 12:It’s the season for wonder. And that got me wondering. How many of my loyal readers, clients, and friends are challenged by the holidays and not completely looking forward to, or even dreading, some of the upcoming events? Spending a lot of time with people we aren’t usually with can be difficult, especially when we’re related to them. We tend to walk into these situations prepared for the old battles and oft-repeated arguments. There’s where the stress of the holidays comes from. And there’s where injecting a little wonder can change everything.

Gambler’s Dilemma

From Volume 6, Issue 3:We hear it in baseball broadcast booths all summer long: “He’s a .333 hitter. He’s gone oh for two. He’s due.” But is this accurate? Should you bet on this? Or are you just wishing for an outcome that has no basis in the data, and setting yourself up to lose? The gambler’s dilemma can teach us a lot about all our interactions.

Pain and the Patella: Change from Within

From Volume 6, Issue 3:Why do we ever change anything? Because we want to. There really is no other reason. The question is, how do we develop the desire to change anything? This story of a frustrated baby (who would grow up to use the story in his newsletter…) and his response to recurring pain in the patella, or kneecap, explains it all.

The Expectation/Frustration Connection

From Volume 5, Issue 12:According to my dictionary, the term “expectation” was first used about 1540 in the Common Era. In about 1555, the term “frustration” appeared…and they’ve been linked ever since. It seems frustration has been following expectation for almost 500 years. If you got rid of one, could you get rid of the other?

Moment of Clarity, December 2012:Managing Expectations in Newtown, Connecticut

Putting an End to Suffering

From Volume 5, Issue 10:Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. It’s a Buddhist proverb, and I’d like to thank Jeff V. for putting it out there a week or so ago. Essentially, this proverb explores the concept that pain is what the outside world does to you, and suffering is what you do to yourself. It’s a very important lesson for all of us.