Knower/Judger – Page 14

Where Happiness Comes From

by KimNovember 20, 2013November 20, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 11:“Happy, yes. Satisfied, no. There is a difference. I’m just not letting the latter sully the former.”

~Dennis Martin, rally driver, husband, and father

That lead in an e-mail Dennis sent me got me thinking about the functional difference between being happy and being satisfied. I had noted that when we last met at a rally in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he’d seemed happy. I was right, but I would have been wrong to assume that he was satisfied. What’s the connection between the two, and what can we learn by separating them?

Book Review – Managing Thought

by KimNovember 20, 2013November 20, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue11:Let’s face it. Everything I discuss in this blog, teach in my 3-2-1-GO sessions, or work with in my executive sessions revolves around learning to operate in the Learner/Researcher mode as opposed to the Knower/Judger mode. Being the L/R keeps us open-minded, able to see the good in things when the K/J doesn’t see any. A comment I often hear is “OK. I get it intellectually. But how do I actually do it?” Along comes Mary J. Lore with her book Managing Thought.

Freeing My Goat

by KimOctober 16, 2013October 25, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 10: Do people push your buttons? They do mine. I’ve certainly got some soft spots that people can get my goat with. Actually, different people rile up different goats because of patterns we’ve set up. While flaring back at the person who has my goat seems momentarily appropriate, I’ve learned that over the long term it’s usually not in my best interests. So, what to do? Here are some ideas.

Focus and Presence

by KimOctober 16, 2013October 25, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 10: I’ve been a fan of focus since I wrote The Positive Power of NO: How That Little Word You Love to Hate Can Make or Break Your Business. The book is about setting boundaries between yes and no in order to live a less stressful, more organized life. I believe that we can make decisions more easily and with less anxiety when we’ve thought about choice in advance and set a nice, crisp, black and white boundary over which our Knower/Judger will not let us go. (Remember, the K/J is accountable for very functional performances as well as dysfunctional.) And I think we would all agree that operating in a very focused manner helps us accomplish goals in the short term. But at what cost?

12 Steps to Changing any Behavior

by KimSeptember 18, 2013October 25, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 9:When you repeat a behavior that you want to stop, you’re addicted. We all have these. They’re the responses we give to which we utter the Homer Simpson “D’oh!” or “I wish I hadn’t said that!” But it’s too late. You said it! You always say it! You’re addicted! You say it or do it because it’s in your comfort zone. That part of you that feels warm and fuzzy when you stay within your “rules of life” gets a high from it. Here’s what you can do to finally break the pattern and adopt the behaviors that will get you where you want to be.

Are you Syria-s?

by KimSeptember 18, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 9:At the time of writing, we have no idea what’s going to happen with Syria. In fact, we have no idea what happened in Syria to start this whole thing. What I do know is that the situation is a global example of what goes on in our offices, in our families, and in other interactions. And if we want it to be resolved peacefully (and hopefully it has been) then we may need to take a look at how we’re dealing with similar situations in our own lives.

A Real Power Trip

by KimAugust 21, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 8:Recently, a client used the V8 palm-to-forehead smash when he realized that people who piss him off are executing their power over him. To rage and attack such people just further proves that the antagonist has total control over him. He gets completely engaged in the game, which is being directed by the other person.

Sound familiar?

Want to Trade Time?

by KimJuly 17, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 7:In response to reader interest, I’m embarking on something completely new. Before creating this incredible opportunity for my readers, my Learner/Researcher wants to hear from you. And if you give me some of your valuable time, you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a luxury timepiece valued at $299. Fill out the short survey or learn more about what I’m up to.

Conversational Foreplay: Making Intercourse More Enjoyable!

by KimJune 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 6:When it comes to human sexual behavior, most of us know what foreplay is—and its benefits. It increases the intimacy between partners, creating a sense of trust and a higher level of confidence, and increasing the chances that the people involved will get what they want out of the interaction. As you know, I’m all about helping people get what they want out of interactions.

The Problem With MEN

by KimJune 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 6:Working with leaders around the country and in Asia and Australia over the last 10 years, I’ve observed that people tend to be “comfortable” when their momentary emotional needs (MEN—and that acronym is not an accident!) are taken care of. Sometimes we even interpret this as being happy. But often people ask for my help because they want to stop some habitual dysfunction and I discover that they are truly comfortable when operating in that manner. Comfortable, but obviously not happy, or my help wouldn’t be required. So what’s really going on here?