From Volume 7, Issue 4:Peeling an onion—it’s a metaphor that is often used to describe an enlightened approach to problem solving. By methodically removing each layer of the onion, you can appreciate the complexities at each level before eventually reaching the core, where you can objectively define the problem. And trust me, getting to know your own personal onion can save you a lot of tears.
From Volume 7, Issue 2: Raise your hand if you’re still keeping your New Year’s resolution! If you’re sheepishly wishing that you could honestly raise your hand, you’re in good company. I’ve found that changing a habit I’ve decided doesn’t serve me well seems easy on the surface, but by now I’ve figured out it’s damned tough. With the best intentions, we resolutely announce we’ve chosen to (stop smoking, exercise more, eat less, eat better, be nicer to our spouse or boss, name your poison), and January 1, we dive in. But staying on track gets progressively more difficult. Here’s why and what you can do about it.
From Volume 7, Issue 1:FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real
HOPE: Heaping Optimism Predicting Euphoria
Let me guess—you’d rather feel hope than fear, right? I know I would. But when we take a closer look at these emotions, we find that they aren’t really that different. The Knower/Judger has amazing ways of taking us out of the present. Here’s a look at how both hope and fear put us in fantasyland rather than reality.
From Volume 7, Issue 1:The concept that women just want to be listened to and not told how to fix something is legendary in the Mars/Venus counseling world. In my household, I spent years jumping in with at least three or four unwelcome solutions when my spouse came home from a frustrating day and dumped a verbal stream of consciousness. “What?” I’ve been heard to protest. “I’m just trying to help!” I now know that it’s quite easy to change these conversations, simply by changing the part of the mind I’m operating from when having them.
From Volume 6, Issue 12:It’s the season for wonder. And that got me wondering. How many of my loyal readers, clients, and friends are challenged by the holidays and not completely looking forward to, or even dreading, some of the upcoming events? Spending a lot of time with people we aren’t usually with can be difficult, especially when we’re related to them. We tend to walk into these situations prepared for the old battles and oft-repeated arguments. There’s where the stress of the holidays comes from. And there’s where injecting a little wonder can change everything.
From Volume 6, Issue 11:“Happy, yes. Satisfied, no. There is a difference. I’m just not letting the latter sully the former.”
~Dennis Martin, rally driver, husband, and father
That lead in an e-mail Dennis sent me got me thinking about the functional difference between being happy and being satisfied. I had noted that when we last met at a rally in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he’d seemed happy. I was right, but I would have been wrong to assume that he was satisfied. What’s the connection between the two, and what can we learn by separating them?
From Volume 6, Issue11:Let’s face it. Everything I discuss in this blog, teach in my 3-2-1-GO sessions, or work with in my executive sessions revolves around learning to operate in the Learner/Researcher mode as opposed to the Knower/Judger mode. Being the L/R keeps us open-minded, able to see the good in things when the K/J doesn’t see any. A comment I often hear is “OK. I get it intellectually. But how do I actually do it?” Along comes Mary J. Lore with her book Managing Thought.
From Volume 6, Issue 10: Do people push your buttons? They do mine. I’ve certainly got some soft spots that people can get my goat with. Actually, different people rile up different goats because of patterns we’ve set up. While flaring back at the person who has my goat seems momentarily appropriate, I’ve learned that over the long term it’s usually not in my best interests. So, what to do? Here are some ideas.
From Volume 6, Issue 10: I’ve been a fan of focus since I wrote The Positive Power of NO: How That Little Word You Love to Hate Can Make or Break Your Business. The book is about setting boundaries between yes and no in order to live a less stressful, more organized life. I believe that we can make decisions more easily and with less anxiety when we’ve thought about choice in advance and set a nice, crisp, black and white boundary over which our Knower/Judger will not let us go. (Remember, the K/J is accountable for very functional performances as well as dysfunctional.) And I think we would all agree that operating in a very focused manner helps us accomplish goals in the short term. But at what cost?
From Volume 6, Issue 7:In response to reader interest, I’m embarking on something completely new. Before creating this incredible opportunity for my readers, my Learner/Researcher wants to hear from you. And if you give me some of your valuable time, you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a luxury timepiece valued at $299. Fill out the short survey or learn more about what I’m up to.
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