Learner/Researcher – Page 7

More Productive Conversations: The Power Is in Your Hands

by KimJanuary 15, 2014January 15, 2014

From Volume 7, Issue 1:The concept that women just want to be listened to and not told how to fix something is legendary in the Mars/Venus counseling world. In my household, I spent years jumping in with at least three or four unwelcome solutions when my spouse came home from a frustrating day and dumped a verbal stream of consciousness. “What?” I’ve been heard to protest. “I’m just trying to help!” I now know that it’s quite easy to change these conversations, simply by changing the part of the mind I’m operating from when having them.

Make This Christmas Wonder-full

by KimDecember 18, 2013December 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 12:It’s the season for wonder. And that got me wondering. How many of my loyal readers, clients, and friends are challenged by the holidays and not completely looking forward to, or even dreading, some of the upcoming events? Spending a lot of time with people we aren’t usually with can be difficult, especially when we’re related to them. We tend to walk into these situations prepared for the old battles and oft-repeated arguments. There’s where the stress of the holidays comes from. And there’s where injecting a little wonder can change everything.

Where Happiness Comes From

by KimNovember 20, 2013November 20, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 11:“Happy, yes. Satisfied, no. There is a difference. I’m just not letting the latter sully the former.”

~Dennis Martin, rally driver, husband, and father

That lead in an e-mail Dennis sent me got me thinking about the functional difference between being happy and being satisfied. I had noted that when we last met at a rally in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he’d seemed happy. I was right, but I would have been wrong to assume that he was satisfied. What’s the connection between the two, and what can we learn by separating them?

Book Review – Managing Thought

by KimNovember 20, 2013November 20, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue11:Let’s face it. Everything I discuss in this blog, teach in my 3-2-1-GO sessions, or work with in my executive sessions revolves around learning to operate in the Learner/Researcher mode as opposed to the Knower/Judger mode. Being the L/R keeps us open-minded, able to see the good in things when the K/J doesn’t see any. A comment I often hear is “OK. I get it intellectually. But how do I actually do it?” Along comes Mary J. Lore with her book Managing Thought.

Freeing My Goat

by KimOctober 16, 2013October 25, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 10: Do people push your buttons? They do mine. I’ve certainly got some soft spots that people can get my goat with. Actually, different people rile up different goats because of patterns we’ve set up. While flaring back at the person who has my goat seems momentarily appropriate, I’ve learned that over the long term it’s usually not in my best interests. So, what to do? Here are some ideas.

Focus and Presence

by KimOctober 16, 2013October 25, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 10: I’ve been a fan of focus since I wrote The Positive Power of NO: How That Little Word You Love to Hate Can Make or Break Your Business. The book is about setting boundaries between yes and no in order to live a less stressful, more organized life. I believe that we can make decisions more easily and with less anxiety when we’ve thought about choice in advance and set a nice, crisp, black and white boundary over which our Knower/Judger will not let us go. (Remember, the K/J is accountable for very functional performances as well as dysfunctional.) And I think we would all agree that operating in a very focused manner helps us accomplish goals in the short term. But at what cost?

Want to Trade Time?

by KimJuly 17, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 7:In response to reader interest, I’m embarking on something completely new. Before creating this incredible opportunity for my readers, my Learner/Researcher wants to hear from you. And if you give me some of your valuable time, you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a luxury timepiece valued at $299. Fill out the short survey or learn more about what I’m up to.

Conversational Foreplay: Making Intercourse More Enjoyable!

by KimJune 19, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 6:When it comes to human sexual behavior, most of us know what foreplay is—and its benefits. It increases the intimacy between partners, creating a sense of trust and a higher level of confidence, and increasing the chances that the people involved will get what they want out of the interaction. As you know, I’m all about helping people get what they want out of interactions.

If Not Now

by KimMay 15, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 5:Ever have an opportunity to correct a habit that’s getting in the way of your happiness but for some reason just don’t do it—again? Let me tell you about the habit I’ve been battling for the last three or four decades.

One Common Phrase That Needs to Go

by KimFebruary 13, 2013

From Volume 6, Issue 2:For the past two months, I’ve been accosted with a certain phrase: trust but verify. Reagan used it to get into Gorbachev’s head during negotiations in the 1980s, and now I’ve heard it first from a client and second from my rally car driver. So I dissected the concept, and here’s what I’ve concluded.