My mentor, Jut Meininger worked diligently the last several years of his life to get me to just give up the concept of “expecting”. Sure, we can want people to be different than they are. We can want them to be thoughtful when they’re not. We can want them to do what they agree to do, but they’re going to do what their Knower/Judger tells them to do.
“If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….it must be a duck.” I can want it to be a golden egg laying goose, but it’s still a undeniably duck.
Developing an expectation solely from our “want” in regards to personal relationships is a source of constant frustration. I’ve had enough experience by now to have learned that just because this or that is what we “want” (from our Leaner/Researcher) doesn’t align Karma to deliver it.
I have spent a lifetime being impatient. In a hurry. People who are consistently in a hurry have been tagged by the Transactional Analysis crowd as possessing a “hurry-up driver”. This is a K/J rule that’s so strongly imbedded in some that it affects nearly everything they encounter. I have been impatient with kids, spouses, other drivers, hospitals, clients, test results, pets, doctors, the U.S. Mail, my landlord, you name it….I’ve been impatient with it. And it has dawned on me that that impatience stems from an EXPECTATION that everybody’s on the same pace as me. There’s that word again. EXPECTATION. And what do I feel about others’ inability to keep up? FRUSTRATION!
Just another example of the cardinal rule. Unmet expectations are the foundation of all frustration.
Now I have other expectations besides pace. And not realizing them causes frustration, too. But impatience is one I can readily identify and set aside.